Stephan J. Hahn

Father by Day. Author by Night.

The Last Chapter

I wrote the first chapter to the second book in the Pearls of Solus series last night, and then a curious thing happened. I went and wrote the last chapter of the final book. I am not a huge fan of doing this, but I felt for this kind of story, I needed to visualize the ending to be able to build up to it. Usually I leave the ending for, well, the end. I mean I know where it is going, and a version of how it ends, but not the exact ending. The difference in writing a series, as I have come to find out is that there are many more moving parts that a traditional novel. The characters and plot lines wind up looking like my three-year-old daughter’s coloring project or her hair in the morning before it has been brushed. 

The truth is, there seemed to be a sort of finality to writing the last chapter, probably more so because I am not yet halfway done with the series. I have been working on this series in my head for the better part of the last decade, and now I am finally putting pen to paper. I am putting fingers to keys and writing the story that I have been thinking about for way too long. It never seemed real, though. It seems to have been going on for so long that it didn’t feel like I would ever finish. Now that the first book is written, it is beginning to edge closer to completion. Yet until I finished that last chapter, it didn’t seem tangible, and now it does. 

It seems that this isn’t just a theme for my book. It has been a year full of changes. I finally closed the book on college. I graduated in May with a bachelor degree in business. I can’t wait to put that to use in my writing career (he said sarcastically). I also decided that I want to be a writer. Now, at a first look it may seem that I have self-published two different books, so that must make me a writer. Right? 

Wrong. To me the idea of writing is not something that I merely want to do between projects or in my down time. I don’t want it to be a hobby, or something that I am afraid to get out. I was teetering on the edge of a cliff. I didn’t know whether I wanted to fall on either side. The main catalyst? My website was coming due for renewal. This may seem like a silly thing, but it’s the truth. I felt as though if I was going to invest in something, I had better make it worth my while. In a basic sense I am a writer, furthermore, an author, but as with my book I didn’t feel like one. When I decided to take the plunge off the cliff, that is when it became real to me. I now feel like an author, and it feels great. 

You see, the only way to truly do something, is to go all in. I think that is why many people fail at things in life, myself included. There are many times that we do something half way and then say it is good enough. Then later you get that feeling where you know you cut corners and didn’t do your best work. Not anymore. I decided to completely commit to being and author and giving out my best work. Maybe one day I will begin to see the dividends of all of the things I have been preparing, but at this moment I don’t care. Right now, I plan on putting my head down and being the best that I can be. However hard, or whatever that may entail, I fully plan to be the best version of myself.

What have you done lately to be the best version of yourself?